Boys Are a Lousy God
Lately, I’ve been pondering my younger years. You know, those awkward high school days, walking the halls just trying to blend in or even sometimes trying to stick out for attention. I’ve been in both camps. Some of you are there now.
I was a broken girl with a major craving for acceptance and the fleeting eyes of boys. A dangerous combination.
While there are hundreds of things I wish I’d known then, there is one which peers down over the others:
Boys are a lousy God.
The affection of boys flees faster than the quickest honey bee. It lands to rest on another wild flower until the sweetness is gone, and off it goes in search of another. Even the steadiest of men fall tremendously short from the steadfast love of the Lord.
We need not look down on them, though, as our feelings shift and waver just as fast.
Humans are not meant to bear the weight of being another’s god. We’re crushed under even the smallest of pressures. If you are chasing the affection of boys, you are chasing the wind; sprinting after impossibility. No one wins in a race like that.
No human being on this earth can satisfy your every longing. No boy can save you from your own wandering heart.
READ: You Will Never Be Enough For That Guy
The Path That Leads To Brokenness
I know a girl.
Everything she did, she did it for attention from guys. Her clothes, her flirtatious looks and her curious words. All things were tools to get what she wanted. She would sneak out to ride in cars with boys who’d take her to parties.
In her senior year, she started dating someone. The immediate passion mixed with his manipulation and her anger fits, made for a toxic relationship that lasted on and off for 3 1/2 years. She was scared to leave because of his abusive nature.
When she finally got the courage to leave him, she immediately took to the next guy who wooed her. When that was over, a new guy was in the picture. One that would cheat on her multiple times. She did all she could to fit the mold he requested. And after a 1 1/2 years of shattered dreams and heart wounds, she sat on her bed weeping as she glanced at the ring on her finger that now meant nothing. She contemplated suicide like she did during all those other break ups.
She laid crushed under the weight of the idol of men.
That girl was me. And ya’ll, that’s not even half of the brokenness and sin that was my life. Not. Even. Half.
I sacrificed my heart and purity on the alter of boys. My story is not unique. I am not the exception. This is where the path leads many, many women. And dear friend, I don’t want that for you!
Anything we make into an idol will lead to heartbreak. If not stopped, those idols destroy us. God is jealous over the affection of his children. (Exodus 34:14).
READ: My Broken Engagement Was God’s Greatest Gift To Me
Jesus is Sufficient
Jesus far exceeds any created thing. Not only is he a better Savior, he is the only Savior. (John 14:6).
Contrary to how you may feel, you don’t need a boyfriend or husband. You need Jesus.
Jesus is sufficient for every struggle, fear and longing of your heart. Truly, only he is worthy of our worship. (Revelation 5:9-14).
Has your boyfriend(or husband) lived perfectly on your behalf? (1 Peter 2:22). Has he died the death you deserve and paid your sin debt with his life’s blood? (1 Peter 1:18-19). Has he risen from the grave, breaking the chains of sin that held you captive and granting you eternal life? (Romans 6).
No. He hasn’t.
Only Jesus has done those things. And how dare we blindly turn to lesser loves as if they can save and satisfy us! As we fix our eyes on other idols, he stands saying, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” And he pursues our hearts until they are fully his. May the kindness of the Lord draw us to repentance! (Romans 2:4).
Choose Who You Will Serve
Friend, I pray you feel the urgency in my heart through these words. Lay down the weight of worshiping boys and pick up your cross. Jesus says his yoke is easy and his burden is light.
Choose this day who you will serve. Jesus or the created thing? One leads to destruction, the other to eternal life. (Romans 1:18-32; John 10:28).
I pray you choose Jesus. He is so very worthy.
And they sang a new song, saying, “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.” Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!” And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!” And the four living creatures said, “Amen!” and the elders fell down and worshiped. (Revelation 5:9-14 ESV)
What It Really Means To Be Fully Known
In the latter days of our engagement I, like any bride to be, was looking forward to our wedding night, where I would “become one” with my Groom. (Genesis 2:24). I was nervous and excited to be “fully Known” by the man I loved. What I didn’t know was what fully known actually means.
After nearly 4 years of marriage I have learned that it’s about so much more than sex. To be fully known is to allow yourself to be fully given.
Naked and Shamed
We see this in the first marriage in Genesis:
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25 ESV)
My wedding night was beautiful except for one big elephant in the room: shame. And my unwelcome friend, Shame, followed me all throughout our honeymoon. Why are you here, Shame?!
“Remember how you used to use sex as a tool to make you feel loved? He can’t possibly love you for you.” Old lies whispered straight to my heart. I slipped into old ways of thinking and began believing that my husband only loved me when we were making love. I had forgotten that he pledged his love for me long before sex was in the picture.
It was at that point in our marriage, that I discovered there had to be more depth to this idea of being fully known.
Naked and Unashamed
To be fully known is to be completely open and transparent with our spouse, spiritually as well as physically. We allow him to see the deep wells of wickedness that reside in our souls, not just the springs on the surface.
The more I open my heart to my husband, the more fully I am known by him. And when he accepts me as I am –wicked heart and all– I am enabled to be spiritually “naked and unashamed” in his sight. This naturally helps us to be physically naked and unashamed as well. It’s basically a win-win if you ask me.
Just as couples fumble and learn together sexually, they also stumble and grow together spiritually.
This is part of being fully known. You are two sinners pursuing Christ while offering grace as needed when the other one falls. It’s saying, “I know we’re not perfect, I know we will sin against each other. But I am not ashamed to be yours.”
This takes time. Not everyone is immediately comfortable bearing their hearts to someone, because honestly, it’s scary! What if they hurt us? But biblical love calls us to these hard things. It calls us to a love like Christ. A fierce love that doesn’t fear the loss.
You must cultivate an environment in your marriage that has open ears to your husband’s struggles, and grace to cover a multitude of sins.
Like many women, I have a husband who is not generally an open person. He keeps to himself, and tends to want to work through issues on his own. And then he married me –the most transparent women he’s ever met. It’s quite comical, actually. At first, I felt I was the only one sharing my heart, which was difficult at times. But the more I shared, I realized the more willing he became to do the same.
I had created a safe place for him to lay his worries.
This is vital in marriage. Someone has to take that first brave step of opening up.
Part of being fully known is being fully seen for who we are. When we open our hearts to our spouse, they may see sin or wrong thinking hidden in our blind-spots.
Before we are husband and wife, my husband and I are brother and sister in Christ. This means the command to lovingly confront sin in each others lives still stands.
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. (Galatians 6:1 ESV)
Allowing our husband to confront sin in our lives is vulnerable. But that is a good thing. The Lord has given each married person a built-in accountability partner. My Husband can speak to the lies I’m believing like no one else. God has used him to reveal the sinfulness of my heart which has caused me to, “put to death what is earthly in me.”(Colossians 3:5).
Pray for hearts that are humble before the Lord and each other, so that when either of you are in sin, you welcome the wise counsel of your spouse, knowing it is because they love you that they bring these things to your attention.
Fully Known, Fully Loved
This doesn’t come naturally. We are constantly changing and growing. We have different trials and struggles that press upon us. The pursuit of fully knowing your spouse never ends. But there’s beauty in that. You have many years ahead to grow closer to each other and closer to God together.
I love what Tim Keller says about this:
“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberated us from any pretense, humbled us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” -Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
It’s easier to hide, isn’t it? It can be painful and difficult but allowing yourself to be known completely by another human being is a treasure from the Lord. Don’t run from it.
Cultivating Mindfulness on Social Media
Lately, social media is seen by many Christians as the arch enemy. It seems one can’t scroll through their news feed without seeing someone spouting on about something that bothers them. It gets exhausting, and we tend to see social media as the source where our frustration should land.
But truthfully, sites like Facebook and Twitter aren’t the root of evil. The evil on display springs out from what is already within the hearts of humans: sin.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. (Matthew 15:19 ESV)
The sad thing is, most of the arguments we witness there are fruitless and unnecessary. They hold no significant importance to the Kingdom of God, yet so many hold their opinions up as if they are stated plainly in scripture. They judge the state of others hearts when their opinion differs, making themselves the lawgiver in place of God. (James 4:11).
Christians need to learn the art of mindfulness regarding brothers and sisters in Christ while navigating through social media.
Holding Loosely To Our Opinions
We must share the truth in love. We must call out heresy and any distortion of the Gospel we see.
But when it comes to preference issues, such as vaccinating vs. not vaccinating, homeschooling vs. not homeschooling, breast feeding vs. not breast feeding and the like, we have to remember that others may not agree and are not any less of a Christian for it.
When someone posts an article about how they don’t think a true Christian could put their kids into public school, they’re making up a law God never made and in turn calling their fellow believers, unbelievers. They leave people they’re called to love, hurt and feeling like an outcast.
There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? (James 4:12 ESV)
Our opinions on issues not stated clearly in scripture are not law. They just aren’t. God doesn’t look down on the moms who breastfeed and think, “She’s much more holy than my other daughter who uses formula.”
These things are a matter of obedience, but not in that one choice is God-honoring and the other isn’t. We are called to be obedient to the option God leads us to. If that means you homeschool, that’s great! If it means you send your kiddos to public school, that’s equally as awesome!
We need to hold loosely our opinions that aren’t found in the commandments in Scripture. They are just that, man’s opinion.
Your Freedom Doesn’t Trump Kindness
Yes, you have the complete freedom to post whatever you please on social media. And yes, we all need to calm down about hopping on the offended train (myself included). But whether people are “just too sensitive” or not, our freedom doesn’t trump God’s commandment to be kind. (Read Romans 14).
Sometimes, we don’t even realize the ways in which what we’re posting could hurt someone, and in those cases there is much grace. But we can avoid many of the Facebook debates out there by simply looking at the topic, video or article from different angles first.
Here are some questions I have begun asking myself before hitting the share button:
Will this hurt/offend someone?
I want to be clear that I do not mean we shouldn’t share truth. By all means, post the article that opens the shades on the darkness of Planned Parenthood. Will people be offended? Of course. God’s truth is always offensive to those who don’t believe. (Jeremiah 6:10).
But if the article is calling into question the salvation of others simply based on a differing opinion about a 2nd or 3rd tier issue, you need to rethink it.
We cannot add to scripture. (Deuteronomy 4:2; 12:32)
Every word of God proves true;
he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
Do not add to his words,
lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar. (Proverbs 30:5-6 ESV)
When we hold to opinions that aren’t found in scripture and demand others to obey our laws, we take our place on the judgment seat of God and are found to be liars. (James 4:11-12).
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. (James 4:11 ESV)
Those who add to God’s commandments judge the law as if they know better than God.
Is it really necessary?
I’m a pretty opinionated person. And I love me some Babylon Bee.
But often, I’ve found that we can take it too far with those snarky memes we find hilarious. (Totally guilty.) And a lot of times we share those things in an effort to elevate ourselves above others. And it hurts people.
We have to remember that the Church is made up of more than just those who believe the same theology as us, and sharing a meme that makes them feel stupid does no one good. By all means, engage in conversations about theology with kindness, but don’t forget that God is sovereign over the revealing of truth to all people.
For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; (Proverbs 2:6 ESV)
Here’s some wisdom from John Piper about Christian satire
Is it indiscreet?
There have been times where I’ve read a great article but have opted not to share it because of the picture paired with it. As Christians, we must be so very careful about what we post on social media. And as Christian women, we must remember that we are not just friends with women. Naturally, single and married men fill our friends list as well. And while you may think something is natural and wouldn’t cause someone to stumble, it’s always better to to err on the safe side.
Naked is naked. There’s a reason we wear clothes unless in private and don’t walk the streets in lingerie.
Many things are natural but many natural things are not meant to be shared.
So before you post, check for any indiscretion in the words or pictures.
The Watching World
Friends, what do you suppose the dying world thinks as they see us hatefully quarreling with fellow believers? It surely isn’t, “Wow. Those Christians really take seriously the one-another commands!”
We are called to love one another, be kind to one another and bear each other’s burdens, not add to them. Why? So that those who don’t believe “may see your good deeds and glorify God.” (1 Peter 2:12).
Can we do that while we curse our brothers and sisters in Christ on social media? Do they see Christ in our harsh words toward those who differ in opinion?
No. What they see are Christians claiming to be redeemed but showing little evidence of it.
And it must stop.
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